Shara's Personal Log

Dash Solaran

Posted in Boss,Dash Solaran,Warlocke by Lady Orion on April 13, 2011

I am noticing a pattern.

It seems that most of my updates are about people. Men in my life.

There are a few reasons for that. The first being that it’s not usually my job to keep track of missions. Unless they’re medical emergencies or something like that.

The second reason is one that saddens me.

So often I have people come into my life and then they disappear, or they die, or they simply become busy and move on. Sometimes they even die or disappear and then return somehow – only to disappear again, so I lose them twice.

I have not heard anything from Warlocke in two months. Not a comm, not a note, nothing.

Deliah has been visiting family. I hear from her on the comm sometimes, so at least I get to talk to her.

Boss has been busy with his new squad of Mandos. I did get to see him for a while two days ago, but he was leaving on a mission. I’m not sure when I’ll see him again.

I’ve met someone. His name is Dash Solaran. He’s a musician and a smuggler. *soft laugh* Quite a combination. *smiles* He is very special. I’m not even sure I can put my finger on why. Boss and Warlocke both love me. I know this. I love them, too.

But….. deep down…. I also know that I could never be the only one in their lives. Warlocke’s species does not believe in pair bonding. They believe in having a pride. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I always thought that kind of sounded even better than monogamy. And with Boss, I know that he is also with Deliah. I’ve never had a problem with that. I also know that if Boss found someone else that appealed to him, then he would be with that person. I’ve never asked for exclusivity, nor have I ever expected it from either of them.

But then….Dash came along….

He wants to be the only man in my life – the only one that I’m intimate with, I mean.

I’ve been faithful before. I was with Mirek. With MU Tom. With Ghez. With Vao. With Jard (Count Dooku).

I always felt that I could be exclusive with the right person. I had also made a commitment to Jared to be only with him…..

I have to keep asking myself – is it that I want to be poly-amorous, or that I simply just don’t want to be alone.

Even having four people that I am, technically, intimate with – Boss, Warlocke, Deliah, and H’Ress – I am still alone so much. I still find Enzi so I can sleep at night. When he’s not busy of course. I even stayed with Ian for a couple of nights when he was so upset. Nothing happens when I stay with Ian or Enzi, of course. They are simply someone to curl up with so I will be able to sleep.

Dash has asked that I be his girlfriend.

I said yes.

I’m not sure how I’m going to handle things when I am on a mission and Dash is not with me. Maybe I could find a pet…. or something. I would feel odd staying with Enzi or Ian at night so that I could sleep, knowing that Dash would probably not be comfortable with that.

I’ll need to talk to him and figure something out. I don’t want to mess this up.